Parashat Toldot
Last week, Rivka lifted her eyes and saw Yitzhak for the first time.
The very next thing she did:
וַתִּקַּח הַצָּעִיף וַתִּתְכָּס
“She took the veil and covered herself.” (Bereishit 24:65)
The Netziv explains that from that moment, Rivka stood before Yitzhak with such deep awe that she never spoke to him as freely as Sarah spoke to Avraham. (Ha’amek Davar, Bereishit 24:65)
It came from respect. From greatness. But it meant there were things she carried alone.
Before her sons were born, Hashem told her:
וּלְאֹם מִלְאֹם יֶאֱמָץ וְרַב יַעֲבֹד צָעִיר
“One nation will be stronger than the other, and the older will serve the younger.” (Bereishit 25:23)
Then the boys grow up, and the Torah tells us:
וַיֶּאֱהַב יִצְחָק אֶת עֵשָׂו כִּי צַיִד בְּפִיו וְרִבְקָה אֹהֶבֶת אֶת יַעֲקֹב
“Yitzhak loved Esav, for he brought him food from the hunt, and Rivka loved Yaakov.” (Bereishit 25:28)
Two great parents. Same home. Same children. Each one seeing something different.
When it comes time for the berachot, Rivka doesn’t go to Yitzhak to talk it through. The Netziv says it’s that same awe from the very first moment. She acts on her own to make sure the beracha goes where Hashem told her it should.
And it does. But it comes with a price. Yaakov has to leave home, and she tells him it will only be for a short while:
וְיָשַׁבְתָּ עִמּוֹ יָמִים אֲחָדִים
“Stay with him a few days.” (Bereishit 27:44)
A few days became more than twenty years. Our Sages teach that Rivka passed away before Yaakov came home. (Rashi, Bereishit 35:8)
The Torah tells us their story so we can learn from it.
And I see it in homes every week.
He has his way with the kids, and she has hers.
He thinks she’s too strict.
She thinks he says yes to everything.
Or it could be the other way around.
Rather than talk about it, each parent handles it quietly, in their own way.
“Don’t tell Daddy.”
“Go ask your mother.”
The kids figure it out quickly. They know exactly which parent to go to.
Money and kids. That’s where couples disagree the most.
That’s normal. What hurts a marriage and a family is never talking about them.
Ladies, you may see something in your child that he doesn’t yet see.
Men, you may see something she’s too close to see.
Share it calmly with each other, not as an argument, but as parents raising your children together.
You don’t have to agree on everything.
But children need to see two parents on the same side.
This Shabbat, try this.
After the kids are asleep, sit together for ten minutes and talk about one child. Just one.
“What do you see in him lately that I’m missing?”
Then listen.
You may find out you’ve been raising the same child in two different houses.
Shabbat Shalom,
Zooky
Isaac (Zooky) Jemal is a marriage coach in Deal, New Jersey, who has worked with more than 500 couples over 20 years. jemalcoaching.com
